I have spiritual ADD. Let me explain. I woke up yesterday morning and grabbed my laptop (a routine I have that i check my email to see if any classes are canceled that day), then I had a thought. Psalm 5:3 says "O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch." Here David is, and the first thing he does when he wakes up is pray, and he knows that God is listening. Then he prepares a sacrifice to the Lord and watches. He started his morning off and everything was automatically centered around God. And what was my day automatically centered around? whether or not my classes were canceled so that i could sleep some more. So I got my lazy self out of bed and had a quiet time. For those of you who know me, I am NOT a morning person. So I wasn't very happy the whole time. I opened my Bible to the Psalms (whenever I am in a bad mood, I like to read David and what he felt like, and then I know that whatever petty feeling I am having, I know the Lord is greater than anything I think is a big deal).
I read this:
O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger, nor discipline me in your wrath! For your arrows have sunk into me, and your hand has come down on me. There is no soundness in my flesh because of my sin. For my iniquities have gone over my head; like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me. My wounds stink and fester because of my foolishness, I am utterly bowed down and prostrate; all the day I go about mourning. For my sides are filled with burning, and there is no soundness in my flesh. I am feeble and crushed; I groan because of the tumult of my heart. O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you. My heart throbs; my strength fails me, and the light of my eyes--it also has gone from me. My friends and companions stand aloof from my plague, and my nearest kin stand far off. Those who seek my life lay their snares; those who seek my hurt speak of ruin and meditate treachery all day long. But I am like a deaf man; I do not hear, like a mute man who does not open his mouth. I have become like a man who does not hear, and in whose mouth there are no rebukes. But for you, O Lord, do I wait; it is you, O Lord, who will answer. For I said, "Only let them not rejoice over me, who boast against me when my foot slips!" For I am ready to fall, and my pain is ever before me. I confess my iniquity; I am sorry for my sin. But my foes are vigorous, they are mighty, and many are those who hate me wrongfully. Those who render me evil for good accuse me because I follow after good. Do not forsake me, O Lord! O my God, be not far from me! Make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation!
Like, wow. I felt like this was great stuff. It really spoke to me. Little did I know that last night i would reread this passage and weep, because i felt like yesterday played out this exact verse. Yesterday morning, I read this passage, and if was God equipping me for that day. But my heart forgot this verse. Had I remembered how David felt in his sin, I would have been able to walk away. The way I felt after sin was exactly how he described, like a sore, like festering wounds, like a sickness. This might sound pretty extreme but in spiritual reality, I was feasting on death. How quickly my memory leaves me when it comes to the most important thing ever, being prepared to fight this war! It was if God woke me up inside a battle tent and handed me the finest amour there was, the sharpest sword, and the best made shoes. (referring to the amour of God) And then I dropped everything He gave me and left the tent to go to the battle field to fight with just my helmet on (salvation). I say all of this not to tell you that I fell guilty or ashamed. This will be explained actually in the best part of the story. Because at the end of that day, God had healed me of all guilt and shame. I walked back to the tent, with all my wounds and He was there to heal me, no matter how long it would take, how painful it was, and how much I resisted.
No comments:
Post a Comment