Would you care to explain?

Luke 18:31

Jesus Foretells His Death a THIRD Time:

So I'm reading this passage and I'm thinking, why does Jesus explain this again, I mean you would think that they would have gotten it by now.  But look at verse 34, "But they understood none of these things.  This saying was hidden from them, and they did not grasp what was said."

It says "This saying was hidden from them".  Why would Jesus take time to explain something so important to his disciples if he KNEW they would not understand it? What is the point?

I think about my life (I am a thinker). And if I am having a bad day and someone asks me about it, I just shrug them off.  Why? Well, because all day I have already thought through my situation so many times, at many different angles, so it is emotionally exhausting for me to have to explain it to someone unless they are part of the solution, unless they will completely UNDERSTAND.  If I know they won't, then I just don't waste my time.  I just give it to God and I feel like this is energy efficient for me. But in the passage above, Christ is inefficient with his emotional energy.  Here me out.  He cared enough to go through this explanation of the day he will die for the world, knowing that it will be hidden from them!

For a long time, I blamed the disciples, they are so stupid, why do they not understand?! But it was not their fault, it was hidden from them.  This, to me, is a great illustration.  This illustrates to me that I should not shut down and not have community just because it is emotionally exhausting sometimes.  But there is a bigger picture to this.

This shows us a picture of the God we serve.  Jesus explains to them when he knows they won't understand.  God calls us, even when He knows we won't go.  He reveals things to us, when He knows we won't understand them.  He talks to us, when He knows we won't listen.  Why? Because He loves us so much, that He is in a constant pursuit of us. Beautiful.

Have you ever been in a relationship of unrequited love? I have.  I feel like God brings us through those trials to show us just a GLIMPSE of what it feels like to Him when we reject Him.  Of course, this is only a glimpse, because I never died for anyone, nor did I conquer death for anyone and have them not care about me.  It hurts just to be in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way, we will never understand.  (1 Corinthians 9:13) But that is o.k. because the substance belongs to Christ (Colossians 2:17).

Be still today and acknowledge that He is constantly pursuing you, His beloved.

My God, My God, why have I forsaken YOU?

reading Proverbs 1 and 2 is so humbling.  Not listening to Wisdom call out can be detrimental.  I am at a crossroads in my life, or at least one is approaching very soon, and I don't know if it is a commit problem, or I am just terrible at making decisions, but I am on a roller coaster of peace and anxiety.  I need to figure out which nursing school I should go to, or if I should go to nursing school.  I have to trust.

 I read today how we are never happy with how God is in control.  Sometimes we want Him to completely do everything for us, and sometimes we want Him to just step aside.  Overall I have to trust that there is a plan, and even though I don't know it, I can still be used as long as there is no sin in my life.

 Mrs. Mickbben, the mother of the family I am living with this semester was telling me about the verse in Psalms that talks about His word being a lamp unto my feet.  Well she explained that the lamp back then is nothing like what we have today, no headlights or LED flashlights.  It was just enough light to take one step, then just enough light to take another step.  I can't get stuck in feeling like, maybe I missed something, or what if I ruin my life.  These are silly when you consider our Maker.

My favorite picture is of a parent pushing a kid in a toy car, the kid can try to steer, but ultimately, the parent is deciding the direction the toy car goes.  The face the kid makes when they try to make a sharp right turn but can't is the face my heart makes.  But what the kid (and myself) don't notice is the wall that the car would have hit taking that right turn.

Proverbs 2:10-11

Picking up my Sword

I always love reading Psalms.  I find myself relating to David when he talks about how he feels when he sins, that it feels like a sickness.  I also find myself relating to David when he talks about music and singing shouts to the Lord.  I love that all throughout he talks about the Lord as his shield.  and Psalm 27 has always been my favorite.

But there was always one thing that I could not really relate on, when David talks about his adversaries.  I never really thought, yea I have this enemy and this enemy and they are attacking me.  But I have a different opinion when I read through the Psalms now and I have added another way that I can relate to David.

I had a spiritually dry summer.  (You may have been able to tell due to the lack of blogs) There is no other excuse for this other than me rebelling against God and not staying in His Word.

I have a best friend who loves the Lord named Branden Leone.  But with him I live by Song of Solomon's 4:12 picture of a locked garden, a sealed fountain.  I do not rely on him for renewing of my heart, because that is dangerous.  Also, I did not have the privilege of having my girl friends in town to fellowship with.  Now that I have that privilege back, I will never take advantage of it again.

The enemy has had it's turn with me and he is clever and cunning.  I will never underestimate his power again.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?"

Healer

I should be studying right now. I really should be studying right now.  But I am just too full of good news to sit still with another species of fish in front of me.. perciformes centrarchidae erimyzon oblongus...

So everyone remembers that you must remove the plank from your own eye before worrying about the toothpick in your neighbor's eye?  Well I got to experience this first hand.  I went to the bookstore the other day and I was getting a book for my friend for her birthday.  I thought, maybe she would like a book about contentment, or maybe a devotional book.   Little did I know I had come into the bookstore that day for myself.  I went to the Christian section (like good Christians do haha) and I said, "Lord help me find something" and before I could say "for her" I was looking at this book that caught my eye.  I picked it up and low and behold Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow was in my hands.  I read the back of the book and knew that God wanted me to read this.  So I bought it (and almost forgot to get my friend a present).  As I'm turning each page, it is directed to me.  You ever read something and think, this was written for me.. yea I had that feeling.  People who believe in coincidences are blind to the workings of the Lord.

"Be not wise in you own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.  It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones." - Prov. 3:7

You ever start off a prayer by saying, "here I am again...." or "Im back in this again, Lord"..?  story of my life.  Whether it is worrying, unfaithfulness, or just not listening to anything that He says.  Sometimes I don't want to pray because I feel like my heart is not prepared or I am not worthy enough, or I can fix it, I don't want to be a bother.  I actually have to remind myself that a broken and contrite heart is what He seeks out to heal.  All we need to bring to the Healer is a need


I am overwhelmed with his grace and the song "How He Loves" puts it the best way in saying that if grace is an ocean, I'm drowning.

Jesus, please come back soon.

I heard on the radio today that there is a family that was directly hit by the tornado in Joplin.  This family included a dad who was unharmed, a mom who was pregnant and broke her arm and hip, a 7 year old daughter that fractured her skull, an 18 month baby who passed away, and a 4 year old who is still missing.  I will never know what they are going through, and I don't ever want to know how they feel.  This is tragedy.  I've been praying to see God working through these storms, and I have to keep praying that, because I'm not seeing Him.



Over the past couple of days anxiety has ruled my life.  Is worrying a sin? I think that it separates us from God, because whatever it is that we are worried about, we aren't giving it to Him.  It is so hard for me sometimes.  You know the hardest thing for me to give up and give to God? My sin.  I don't fully understand why, maybe it's because I feel like it is my fault, and I got myself into this, I should be the one to get myself out.  Because it is my fault, then I should punish myself.

⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life

well, let me think, what is the price for sin, death.  That is a debt I cannot pay.  I have to actually stop and remind myself of the gospel, can you believe that? I told my campers at LFR over the past summers that He paid for past, present, and future sins.  Even though I spoke as if I understood it, I obviously don't.  It is something that I am still learning.

So why do I let my anxious thoughts effect me emotionally, and physically?  I go through life feeling as if I have to be prepared for the worst. Forgetting that whatever is before me, God is already there.

³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Ecclesiastes

Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.

Consider the work of God.  Who can make straight, what He has made crooked?

Better is the end of a thing than it beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.

All the toil of man is for his mouth, yet his appetite is not satisfied.  For what advantage has the wise man over the fool?  And what does the poor man have who knows how to conduct himself before the living?  Better is the sight of the eyes than the wandering of the appetite: this also is vanity and a striving after wind.

Guard your steps when you go to the house of God.  To draw hear to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they are doing evil.  Be not rash with your mouth, not let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth.  Therefore let your words be few.  For a dream comes with much business, and a fools voice with many words.

When you vow a vow to God, do not delaying paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools.  Pay what you vow.  It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay.  Let not you mouth lead you into sin, and so not say before the messenger that it was a mistake.  Why should God be angry at your voice and destroy the work of your hands? For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity, but God is the one you must fear.

You are gain, it is loss

So I already said that God speaks to me through sunsets.  Well, today I had a really great time with Him. And towards the end of it I felt the Spirit was telling me to reach back and get Branden's Bible that he left in my car (heathen boyfriend haha) and I knew that I had to open to Job. I thought this was odd because at this exact time last year I remember being called to open to Job and reading it. It was right before finals and camp starting up and I knew I needed to read it but I didn't know why.  Anyway, after again being distracted by the sunset (it is amazing to me how patiently God deals with us being so distracted all the time)   i read just the first part,

1 In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil. ² He had seven sons and three daughters, ³and he owned seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen and five hundred donkeys, and had a large number of servants. He was the greatest man among all the people of the East.

 ⁴ His sons used to hold feasts in their homes on their birthdays, and they would invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. ⁵ When a period of feasting had run its course, Job would make arrangements for them to be purified. Early in the morning he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, “Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.” This was Job’s regular custom.

 ⁶ One day the angels^[a] came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan^[b] also came with them. ⁷ The LORD said to Satan, “Where have you come from?”

   Satan answered the LORD, “From roaming throughout the earth, going back and forth on it.”

 ⁸ Then the LORD said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.”

 ⁹ “Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan replied. ¹⁰ “Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. ¹¹ But now stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.”

 ¹² The LORD said to Satan, “Very well, then, everything he has is in your power, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.”

   Then Satan went out from the presence of the LORD.

A couple of good reminders in this passage is that God always protects us, and he knows what we can bear.  

At first it kinda got my heart going a little as I thought, well, what if God is preparing me to loose something? And although that could be it, the main thing I got out of it is the fact that I am extremely blessed, and thats not to brag, because its nothing that I earned or deserve in the least bit, but I am blessed.  A lot of us are.  I just feel like giving was what I needed to dwell on.  And not necessarily money, but time and other things as well.  

After everything that Job went through, he still praised God, and that was not easy for him or for anyone who has lost anything, but I want to be able to do that as well (with His help).  For me right now to act as Job is inconceivable, but I do not doubt that God will give everyone the opportunity to respond to our blessings.  James writes, 

¹⁷ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

My prayer is that the more I trust that He is in control, the more peace I have when something (that wasn't mine in the first place) is taken away, or is given up.


Lord, you've surprised me
with how this all turned out.
With each new sunrise, tell me your will
tell it to me loud.
I'm done guessing
predictability is not Your game.
I'm handing you the pen now
erase mine, and put your name.

Strip away all of me
until there's nothing left.
Wash away all of my flesh,
I want to trust, I don't want to help
Take away everything, that I hold dear
I count it all as loss.
You are gain, it is loss
You are gain, it is loss